This is Why I Do Yoga

It's 6:25pm, and I am halfway through a bottle of wine and a box of Cheez-Its.

I realize that does not sound like a normal beginning to a yoga blog, but here's the rest of the story.

I teach middle school. Grades--for the entire semester--are due the day after tomorrow. I just finished inputting my final grades, and realized that the average midterm grade for one of my classes was really low. So, I went to go ask my administrator what to do--scale them, curve them, write a letter home, etc. And he said, ooh, those grades really do suck, you should delete the progress report if you can. So, I went into the grading software system, and hit what I THOUGHT was delete for just that one test grade--you know, thinking that I could just re-enter them tomorrow, really no biggie.

Except.

Except, I accidentally deleted EVERY SINGLE TEST GRADE FROM THE WHOLE SEMESTER.

Now, take a deep breath to get the full enormity of what I just said.

If you are a teacher, you are CRINGING right now.

I had to send out an apologetic email. My gradebook may not be able to be fixed. I may have to enter in only the two test grades I have a record for (because oh, yeah, I sort of forgot to record the third test in my paper roster, so I only have three grades on hand). Or, it may get fixed. Or, it may not. I have 36 hours to fix it. And, I'm teaching two brand-new, never-ever-been-taught-before classes tomorrow.

Where does the oh-goody-I-do-yoga thing come in?

Because I'm not all that freaked out. Aside from the initial crying fit, I feel pretty okay. I know that one way or another, everything is going to get worked out. I did what I could to fix it. I've been honest with the parents, and I'll get their kids' grade to be as accurate as I can. And right now, that's the best I can do.

It's not the wine talking, either: it's something deeper, more real, and more lasting than just a nice wine buzz. It's the calm that I earned from the last four nights of committing to being steady, present and doing as much as I could, as I could do it.

So: do Bikram so on those horrible days, when you haven't eaten anything and you planned a class badly and you accidentally delete every test from your entire semester with no immediate means of retrieval and you still need to cut up the makings for an entire quilt before you go to bed and you have no clean coffee mugs, underwear or plates because you've been so busy you haven't had a moment to do errands and yes, you GET that Cheez-its aren't dinner...

So that on THOSE days, nothing really steals your peace.