Pre-Class Jitters: I Should Take My Own Advice

Vacation is over as over tomorrow. So, as of tomorrow, the lovely, lovely schedule I've had for ht past two weeks--which consists mostly of waking up when I wake up, drinking coffee/ water/ peeing, checking blogs, reading, and then rolling out of the house to go to the studio, is over. Today is really the first day where real life becomes a challenge, since I've got to go in to the office and work for at least a few hours. I've set the intention to make it to the 6:30 class, and am focusing on how good it will feel to get there, and still, the little demonbeast of worry is creeping in, along with its symbiotic partner, The Back-up Plan.

The WorryDemon tells me, oh, hey, you probably won't be able to go to class, so say goodbye to the awesome way you've been feeling! You don't get to feel like that during the school year! You're going to have to go back to feeling sore and tired and miserable, I'm so sorry, but it's true, and there's nothing to be done about it. Very sad. Move along.

(Maybe it's not a WorryDemon so much as GeneralMeanness?)

Then, the good cop, Mr. Back-up Plan, chimes in, telling me: oh, hey, it's okay if you miss a class, even if you don't mean to. You can have an excuse, you know, a really good one. No one would take it badly. You can try to get there and then just eat right before hand, or get tired. You're a newbie! Take the night off! You can do yoga some other time. Don' t feel bad!

This is, to be honest, what worries me--despite all the energy I'm putting in to positively manifesting my blessings, despite all the growth and change and rebuilding--despite the fact that it's never too late to change--despite all that, I'm worried that school will start and work will start and I'll start the same loop all over again. Worrying about being perfect as a teacher, because everyone knows that once you achieve perfection, you no longer have to worry anymore! (Right? I mean, it never happened, but I'm sure that someone out there can tell me how good it is, right?) Worrying about my job, my job, my job, and letting it color every other aspect of my life, from when I go to sleep to when I make plans to when I drink water to when I let myself be happy. Because that's normal, right?

That loop SUCKED, my friends. SUCKED. And got me in a a mental state I'm not really looking to buy a ticket back to, if you know what I mean. I sense freedom at some points, some tender, sweet points in class, and I definitely sense it afterwards. And right now, I sense the shackles of a self-imposed limitation trying to extend their mean little lives for a few more minutes.

Seriously--teachers, workers of the world and yogis, UNITE! Tell me how you plan in yoga to your schedule! I'm trying to remind myself that I unquestioningly give myself 45 minutes to get ready in the morning, and that 90 minutes in a yoga studio basically gets me out of 24 hours of funk. The classes seem to move faster and faster--so it's not the 90 minutes as a chunk of time that I seem to resent--it's the commitment itself. Ideas? Solutions?